Did you know that I'm a bitch....

Disclosure...there is foul language in here. Those of you know I do not have a potty mouth (well at least not anymore) But I chose to use the exact words that were used today towards me. 

At about 10:30 AM Joshua got mad at me because I turned the page of instructions for origami and he got mad. I told him to have some patience’s. He said he couldn’t have patience. I told him that if he could not wait and have patience he could go to his room. He refused and I told him he needed to go to his room. He got up and knocked over the chair. I asked him to pick it up he said no, and that he didn’t care bitch. I told him he was in his room the rest of the day, his response was he didn’t fucking care.

He came out of his room with a hand full of money and said he would pay me for his bad behavior. I told him to get back into his room and he mouthed off saying things under his breath that I could not understand.

He went back into his room and started to shake his piggy bank, which started to get on Nathan’s nerves and mine so I turned the radio on loud.

He came back out about 5 minutes later and said he was sorry for his bad behavior. I told him that his apologies do not mean anything anymore because he is not making an effort to change his behaviors and told him to go back into his room. And for the 100^th time this week that his actions speak louder than words.

I called Joshua out of his room for lunch; he threatened to punch Nathan in his face.

I asked Joshua to clean up his room. He refused. He said he couldn’t find his laundry hamper, I went into his room, and it was in the middle of his room. I sat on his bed while he picked up his room. I then re-picked up his room, organized his closet and found a brownie in the floor of his closet – the ones that I made about 2 weeks ago. He said that Rich gave it to him. He couldn’t give me a reason as to why it was in his closet. (Joshua is diabetic and must check his blood sugar every time prior to eating)

He knocked one of his closet doors is off track.

I caught his window opened while the heater was on two times today. The first time there was NOT a tear in the screen. The second time there is. Joshua told me that he couldn’t get his money from outside and that he saw a crack in the window and threw it out.  He denies a tear in the screen.

I went to get something out of the hall closet and found a puddle in the bathroom floor. I asked Joshua if he peed or poured water on the floor. He said no. I made him clean it up. About an hour later when I went into the laundry room and their bathroom reeks of pee. I asked him again, and he admitted to peeing in the floor of the bathroom because he was scared. BULL SHIT!

I told him to come out to the table and sit on his bottom, chair on all fours, and be quite. He refused to.

This Momma needs a big fat drink!

I keep telling myself that it will get better, but when???

Dear Lord please give me the strength to be the mom that they need, cause they are pushing the limits with me! 

Guilty until I prove my innocents and behavior infractions...

Oh my gosh, I haven’t done a blog update since July! So much has happened!

Well I survived the summer break with the boys. I also was babysitting at one time three other children for a girlfriend! I made it through, with a few more gray hairs.

The boys went on their first all guys camping trip over the summer. It was an overnight trip to a campground near our home, near the Feather River. They had a blast. They got to go on a hike with Grandpa, play in the river and even fish. The boys brought home most of the dirt from the camp they were covered in mud from head to toe. We went to our first baseball game together as a family over the summer too!  We saw the Rivercats and the Oakland A’s play!

LEGAL UPDATE:

So as you all know that in July biological mom’s rights were terminated. Well about a week after they were terminated she filled an appeal to the termination. At that time we were told it would take 8 months to a year for the court to review the appeal and make a determination. Well, thanks to so many prayers and God being very faithful the appeal was reviewed in two months and was dismissed on September 9^th of this year.

So what does that mean, well California law stated that the children have to be in our care a minimum of six months with routine visits from the county social worker as well as our agencies social worker. Well the six-month mark for Nathan was 9.5.11 and Joshua was 9.12.11.

I received a call from the county social worker last week and she said that she had not yet received the “official” dismissal paperwork but she wanted to go ahead and put us on her calendar for us to come in and sign the paperwork, which as long as this “official” paperwork comes in within the next week we will be signing the adoption paperwork the week of Thanksgiving and will have a court date before the end of the year! PRAISE YOU LORD JESUS!

SCHOOL UPDATE:

Oh, but we still have our work cut out for us! School started back in August. Nathan is in the 5^th grade and Joshua is in the 2^nd grade. They are exceptional students and have high average grades. Joshua’s teacher(s) have him as proficient approaching advanced in Math and Advanced reading at a 3^rd grade level! Now if we can just get him to read chapter books with out pictures! Nathan received a medal for scoring proficient in ELA on California’s STAR test for last school year and he also received an award for scorning 100% on his chapter 1 math test.

But then the shoe dropped, Nathan started lying about his schoolwork. The first part of October he was assigned a book report. He told me that he was given time in class to read his book and to work on his report. Then about 1 ½ week’s prior to the report being due, he chooses to read “Lord of the Rings” which we watched the movie about a week before. I told him that this was not OK, and it is a form of cheating. Nathan’s response was that it doesn’t matter as long as he gets the report done.

GUILTY UNTIL I PROVE MY INNOCENT

In the middle of October I decided to have kidney stones again! (I had one about 3 years prior) The pain started on a Saturday night and was 100% worse by Sunday morning, so we dropped the boys off at my in-laws and Rich took me to the ER, 3 hours later, sure enough I had two kidney stones a 4 mm and a 2 mm one. So we picked the boys up and went home.

About 11:30 Sunday night the pain medications that the ER gave me had worn off, and I couldn’t get the pain under control; it was so bad I was throwing up. Finally at 4 AM I woke Rich up and asked him to take me back to the ER. We got the boys up, and drove to the ER. Two hours later I was feeling a lot better!

The reason I am telling you the story of my kidney stones is because we were reported to CPS. Apparently one of the boys told someone that they had to go to the ER because I had to have kidney stones removed, that the boys had to sleep in the car all night long, no one checked on them, no one checked on Joshua’s blood sugar and they were scared.

Give me a break! NO they did not sleep in the car all night long, yes they may have fell asleep on the way to the ER or on the way home it was 4 AM and they were woke up because their mom was in pain and sick! Now I am at the mercy of the hospital corporation with CPS for the nurse who took care of me to give a statement saying that yes the boys were inside the hospital ER with their mom and dad; I even gave them milk for them to take their medication and I allowed them to go into a break room and watch TV while their mom rested! Rich was with them at all times! It is my prayer that one of the boys said something and it was taken out of context and someone just ran with it, and who ever reported it truly thought that the boys were in harm, not someone trying to start drama. These boys have been put through too much, why in the world would I do that to them. They were scared enough because I had to go back to the hospital and I was throwing up!

JOSHUA’S BEHAVIOR INFRACTION…

So this past Monday the school’s principle called me to ask me to come down and talk with her and Joshua because he had a behavior infraction.

Apparently there was a group of about five girls that Joshua says were laughing at him. So he thought it was OK to call them a “B,” “F” and an “N”. He also told one of them that he was going to kill them and then he proceeded to break a plastic fork and started to stab his hand. When the principle had Joshua tell me this, I was thinking, “Good grief, really we just got done with a CPS investigation, and now this” The principle did point out that the silver lining to all of this is that Joshua was honest the first time and she didn’t have to drag anything out of him.  Which Joshua will like in half a heart beat to cover his butt. It takes three or four separate talks to get the truth out of him.

She decided not to suspend him, even though she was suppose to due to Joshua threatening to kill one of the girls.

Monday’s are their normal therapy days, so this was the topic of discussion with Joshua and his therapist.

AND THE NAME CALLING CONTINUES

Even though after the school principal, Rich, Joshua’s therapist and myself have talked to him how it is disrespectful to call people names, how it hurts other’s feelings, he still has continued to do so. This week alone, I have been called a “B” by an 8 year old at least 10 times. Told to mind my own “F’ing” business, to “F” off, etc. I think you get the picture. He’s hurting, and having a melt down and this is his coping skill, put up this little punk boy attitude. Oh, I will crack him; even if it’s the death of me I will crack him! 

The toughest jobs as a Foster/Adopt Mom…

Today the county social worker came out for her normal visit with the boys. With this visit came a big blow to the boys. She came to tell them that their biological mom’s rights have been terminated and the county is not able to get a hold of her to set up a goodbye visit.

Tonight as I was tucking Nathan into bed we were talking about his mom. He said he was mad at the judge, and as he was saying this he took apart one of his action figures. I did my best to sympathize with him on how he was feeling, but all I wanted to do was to take his pain away. No child should ever have to go through what Nathan and Joshua are going through.

Nathan starting to ask about death and dying and what happens to our bodies when we die. I explained to him that if a person has asked for forgiveness that the person’s spirit leaves their body and they go to heaven.

He then broke my heart and asked me what if his mom forgets about him. I told him that a mother does not forget about her children. I told him about my daughter whom I gave up for adoption when I was 19 years old. I explained to him that I was not in a place in my life to care for a child the way that a child deserves and I found a family that could give her everything she needs and wants. I told him that I think about her everyday; and that I am sure that his mom thinks of him and Joshua every day too.  I told him that we need to give this to God and pray for his mom. We need to ask God to surround her with positive people that will help her and lift her up and show her God’s unconditional love. He asked me to pray for her, which I did. Seeing a child break down crying because of his biological mom’s inability to care for them is the hardest think I have had to do since they came to live with us.

Nathan did have some insight as to why his mom cannot be found. He said she is probably mad, upset and embarrassed. He is only ten years old and showed so much maturity today. No child should have to grow up as fast as he has.

Several times during the day both Nathan and Joshua come up to me and ask what they can do around the house to help me. They both love to help with the housework, even cleaning their bathroom. While most parents complain that get them to even pick up their rooms, I have to tell our boys to go be kids, go get dirty and play.

Rich and I thank each and everyone for their continued prayers. If you received a text from me today asking you to pray for us, thank you so much. I felt the Holy Spirit’s presence in our home today, please keep praying for us.

God Bless,

Rich and Lori Van Roo

Spring Break... Not so much of a break....

All in all things are going well. The honeymoon phase is gone, and now we are in the sibling bickering and fighting. Nathan and Joshua haven't lived together for the better part of a year so they are not only adjusting to a new family, living situation, school, rules, structure, they have to get use to living with each other all over again. 

Nathan had his 10th birthday on the 31st of March and for is birthday his CASA (Court Appointed Special Advocate) got him a pair of rollerblades. A few weekends ago he was out front trying them out while Joshua and Rich were throwing the football around. Joshua became irritated at Nathan and pushed him down, which Nathan in turn threw the football at Joshua and hit him in the shoulder leaving a mark. 

This week is Spring Break for the boys and we were going to go camping to the coast near Ft. Bragg. Unfortunately the boys have taught our dog foot and toy aggression and we do not feel comfortable taking the boys and the dog on a camping trip. There were too many dangers - campfire, beach, cliffs, etc. 

So the boys have helped me weed the whole back yard and plant a garden. I have found about four peaches on my peach tree and another five or so apples on my apple tree! I planted squash, zucchini, cucumbers, tomatoes and jalapeño peppers 

So we have attempted to do a few day trips. Monday we tried to drive to Bucks Lake to find that the road to the lake is still snowed in! Tuesday we drove to Truckee to have lunch at my brother-in-laws restaurant to find that he wasn't working when he said he was!  

Today, Wednesday, Rich let me sleep in and run into town to get a few things done while he hung at the house with the boys. When I got home at about 2 PM, I found that the boys did not listen to Rich when he said it was lunch time, and that they chose to play the Wii instead of going out to lunch with Rich. They were upset because they had to wait until dinner to eat. 

Everyone keeps telling me that Rich and I are doing a great job. Some days I feel defeated and today is one of those days. Seems like no matter how many times I say something or give an instruction they don't hear me. I feel like I must be speaking a foreign language. I’m tired of the yelling, repeating myself, being lied to, the disobedience, rudeness and back talking. But you know what, I wouldn’t give it away or trade it for anything in the world.

These two wonderful little boys God has given Rich and I to raise. It has been a long two-year road that Rich and I have traveled down. There have been a lot of prayers and tears. Heck there is more prayers and tears now! I just don’t want to fail these two boys; they have lost so much, and have had people turn their backs on them.

I just keep reminding myself, God only gives me what HE knows I can handle. God thinks I can handle these two boys, BRING IT ON!

"This dinner tast like poop"

So after spending the majority of the day in his room, Josh decided to tell me that Dinner, which was left overs from last night that he loved; he said it tasked like poop. 

So I took his plate from him, said he was done, and that he needed to get into the bath. 10 minutes later he still wasn't in the shower, so he went to bed and has been there ever since! 

Mean while Nathan was to read a book he his teacher leant him on Great White Sharks for a since project. When he was done I told him to get in the shower. He didn't, instead he decided to show Rich something he built with lego's. So the lego's have been taken away until further notice and he went to bed right after his shower. 

I know this is a transitional period of time. The boys are learning our boundaries, what they can and can not get away with. And trying our patience. I really hate being mean mom, I don't like hearing the boys cry themselves to sleep. It breaks my heart more than it hurts them. But I know I need to stay strong and don't give in! God please grant me the strength!

Temper Tantrum in Toys R Us....

Oh the mean mom I am.....So wonderful friends of ours gave the boys $70 each in gift cards to Toys R Us. Today - Saturday - Rich and Nathan went to help a friend move his mother-in-law so I thought it would be a perfect day to do some mom/son bonding with Josh. We went out for a early lunch to McDonalds and were going to go to Toys R Us so he could spend his gift cards on some new toys!

We get to the store, and I told him that he had to spend $20 of the $70 on books. We couldn't find any age appropriate books in the store so I told him we would have to order them off of the internet. He mentioned that he wanted more Lego's so I said let's go look at the lego's. He proceeded to look and play with baby toys and would not listen to me. Any time I tried to take him by the arm and head to the lego's he would flop down on the floor like a fish out of water. So I just grabbed him and we walked out of the store with out spending his gift cards. Now he is moping in his room and not understanding while he can't watch TV or play the Wii!

Mom's out there, I did the right thing, right?

Welcome

Hello all,

Thank you for wanting to follow me and my husband Rich with our journey of being Foster Adoptive Parents. It will be my goal to update my blog at least once a week. Please feel free to leave comments as well!

Hugs and God Bless,

Lori & Rich Van Roo